Door Policy - how to get in and stay in

One of the really noticeable things about pubs in Dublin has been the rise of the bouncer or 'doorman'. These big (yes, they're invariably big) with bomber jackets (black), trousers (black) and an earpiece (black). Of course, they could be listening to Madonna for all we know.

One good rule (and there's no real evidence for this) is that the pubs with the most (and biggest) bouncers tend to be the pubs that I would avoid. The more bouncers the more trouble. Not that there's much trouble in Dublin's pubs. The opposite in fact. I have never, ever seen a fight in a pub. Honest. A few scuffles sure but nothing major. Of course, maybe that's because of the pubs I go to.

Of course, women have it far easier. Rarely will women get turned away unless they look about 15. Men on the other hand sometimes only have to wear the wrong aftershave to get the brushoff.

More rules
1. If a bouncer says no, then that's it, forget it. You will never get in. Never.
Can I make that quite clear? "NEVER!" Go somewhere else and don't argue.

2. Arguing is utterly pointless. I know, I've done it. Just move on or out.

3. Don't under any circumstances compare them to a species not too dissimilar from the above photograph. No, don't.

What bouncers say and what they mean

1. "Have you been here before sir?"
Means: "Get lost. You haven't a prayer of getting in here."

2. "Regulars only tonight sir."
Means: "Get lost. Now. We're waiting for someone famous."

3. "Only 23's only"
Means: "Get lost. Go home and squeeze your zits and at least have the decency to have had your first shave before coming here again. And you still won't get in."

3. "Sorry ladies, only 23's only"
Means: "Get lost girlies. Shouldn't you be at home listening to Boyzone and doing your homework?"

4. "Sorry sir, you're too casually dressed."
Means: "Get lost and die, you scruffy, low life smelly sonofabitch. How dare you insult me with that miserable excuse for a shirt? Go on, go, get lost before I lose my temper and beat some fashion sense into you."

5. "Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to leave."
Means: "Get out. Get out. Get the f**k out and stay out. Because if you don't myself and my fellow doormen will beat you to within 4cm of your life."

6. "How many of you are there?"
Means: "Get lost scumbags. We'll have no stag parties, hen parties, plastic sheep or chocolate penises in here. Go on, clear off. We don't want your sort here."

Click here for home page >

Dublin City | City Map | Hot Spots | The Jacks | Pub Fun | Links | Contact | Home

Want to attract some of the thousands of visitors to this site......then click here